Emily's blog Day 3

Honestly....

Well, I’m not gonna lie, the past few days have been a real challenge for me! I touched on this a bit towards the end of my last post, but I think I should go into a little more detail now that I’ve collected most of my thoughts.

The biggest thing I’m struggling with right now is definitely loneliness. I can honestly say that I’ve never been in more need of comfort in my entire life. I guess I should have realized this was going to happen. I mean I’ve known for a while that this trip would be solo. Anyway, I’ve searched for peace in distractions and phone calls to home, but it’s only temporary. I’m right back to feeling miserable the second I hang up. This is not to say that I’m absolutely hating my time here. That’s not the case at all!

The kids are great, and I adore playing with them and just loving on them. However, when I return to the Savelburg, I’m alone, and that’s something I’m not used to.

I think the biggest prayer I can ask from you all right now is that I can learn to find my comfort and company in Christ. I’ve done this in the past, but whenever I’ve struggled with something or gone through heartache, I’ve had friends and family there to give me a hug or point out a really great verse for me. For the first time, I have to be completely dependent on His strength because there is no one here for me to look to. I know He’s here with me, but I’m sure may of you know what this feels like. It’s hard to feel God’s arms around me when I feel completely and utterly alone. A bit depressing, huh?

I know God is working in this time, and I’m sure a lot of it is that fact that I’m exhausted and having a hard time adjusting to this time zone (I’m writing this at 4:39 AM). Culture shock and jetlag only intensify homesickness. Things are already starting to look brighter, and I’m sure once I get into the swing of things here, I'll be completely fine! I’m trying to get my focus to be more outwardly instead of focusing on me and what I’m going through, which is pretty hard since I’m naturally prone to consider myself before others. It’s all just a learning experience and I’m just waiting for God to reveal His bigger plan. He’s watching out for me, so I just have to trust Him.

I have, however, found great comfort in Psalms 27:13-14, so you should definitely look it up because it’s a great verse! Anyway, I promise that future postings won’t be this sad! It’s a tough adjustment, but I think in time I’ll find that my solitude won’t be so lonesome and quiet when it’s consumed with God’s presence.

Thanks for all your prayers. They mean the world to me and are DEFINITELY working!

love,
emily :)

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